Fears

We all have fears… I don’t know a single person who doesn’t. Some have strong fears that stop them dead in their tracks. Especially when they are staring the fear straight in the face. This is me.

With winter only a few days away up here I am starting to have anxiety and panic attacks. I fear winter…and this is why.

(These photos are when the truck got towed to the Autobody shop. The windshield and seats, etc had to be removed to do repairs.)422841_10150704679440499_631780475_n

3 years ago I had very serious accident. It was late in February and I had to drive my oldest, Seren, to her FSA(Foundation Skills Assessment) test 30 mins over a mountain pass to another town. We, my daughters(9and4) and I, had a good day all in all.

On the way home there was a light rain and I decided to take it easy. The highway was pretty good for that time of year, but as you go up one never knows what the weather will be like. I am so thankful I wasnt going 90km/hr that is allowed. When we came to a passing lane on a corner half way up the last hill, I hit back ice.  When I hit that ice our truck started to fish tail. I took my foot off the gas and steered to keep the truck upright. I tried to keep us out of the oncoming lane and miss a small black car coming at us. I kept the truck out of the slow lane and out of the path of a truck pullng haybales on a trailer. I couldn’t get the truck out of the fish tail….

I had a split second to decide….black car and cliff or rock wall and deep snow. Snow and rock won! I steered as best I could straight for the snowbank. I hit with enough force to spin us 180 degrees and flip the truck and all onto our roof. The whole time my daughters cried and begged me to stop the truck from doing the sliding. I screamed at the top of my lungs”NO! NO! NO!”…”Im so sorry my girls. I’m so sorry!”

….We landed upside down on the roof of the truck with a whoomp of snow. When the movement stopped my daughters were crying and I was so dazed I was actually very calm. I know now it was the sock…

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I got Seren to undo her seat belt and she didn’t quite land gracefully on her feet., but she was not upside down which was a good thing. Being upside down in ones seat being held by a seatbelt is the most confusing feeling thing I’ve ever felt. I undid myself as quickly as possible . And held Milena up against her seat with my hand while I undid her 5point harnessed car seat> BEST THINGS EVER INVENTED!!! < and flipped her over onto her feet. By then I started blaring the horn hoping someone had stopped or would…

It felt like forever before we could hear people crunching in the snow but couldnt see them out the windows. The snow had completely sucked up against the windows. All except about an inch where Seren said she thought she saw a boot. Finally there were hands pushing away the snow and a scrapping sound of a shovel….Shovel?!

The door was pried open and a familiar face peered in…my mom’s boss was the truck hauling hay and he is with search and rescue. The black car I nearly missed had stopped and so did another truck. I handed my daughters out the door and someone took them to their truck to make sure they were okay and to keep them warm. I burst into tears….at this point….the rest of the evening was a blur.

We weren’t hurt and my faith in good people was restored for the moment. I never got to thank the others that stopped nor the couple that took care of my daughters…..

Thinking back on it a few days later, I remember the shovel…in the morning just before we left from home, I had thrown our bright yellow snow shovel into the truck bed, thinking I may get stuck in the snow on our 1km driveway….That shovel was what a man used to scrape the snow away from the truck to get us out….amazing in my eyes….

So, that is my story. That is my biggest fear…I used to love driving anytime of the year. 3 years later I am still haunted by this accident. I have a hard time being in the truck or any vehicle during the winter or on rainy days. And OMG if there is any type of sliding feeling my stomach climbs ou of my mouth.

People must remember to have compassion when others go through horrible things and then have to face their fears. I was and keep being told to just suck it up.

“It’s been 3 years. You should be over this by now….”

“I had an accident worse than that and im over it. You should be too….”

This is not how to help someone. That is not being supportive. I wish others could understand that I almost killed my children, myself and possibly others. It is not something you can just get over. I know that I shouldn’t dwell on it and I know i shouldnt beat myself up about it. I know that everything turned out okay in the end.

My advice to others is, “Stop before you say the above sentences and put yourself in the other persons shoes.”

(I’m sorry for any editing mishaps, I just cant read it for a 3rd time to do corrections)

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