My brain divorced my body…

I swear my brain has up and divorced my body… *Insert warning of bad language*

You know what I mean. Those days when you are just puttering along at a good speed. Checking things off your mental list. You may daydream a little while you work.

“Ooo, that would look so pretty with a deep purple clematis growing up over the dead tree.” A dream of sunshine and green grass on your bare feet. A garden plan or herb mixture for a lovely tea on a winter’s night or even thoughts on an upsetting issue that just won’t leave you alone…You know, that sort of thing.

*SIGH*

Yep that was me on a snowy January 16th…Lovely day dreams and upsetting thoughts, but all was going well. I was glad I was getting my mound of chores done. Well that changed at 4:00pm. Oh it all came tumbling down in a flurry.

I was in the kitchen trying to organize supper and get the coffee ready for Bill when he woke up from his nap. The Girls were in the living room(I think), when all of a sudden I hear…

“HOLY SH*T!”

…coming from Bill in our bedroom.

I flew across the house and meet Bill stumbling down our small hallway.

“COW!”, he gasped” is OUT!”

“WHAT!?”

(Yes it was all spoken in yell)

I turned around and without thinking ran back out across the dinning room and kitchen and out the front door into an inch or so of snow. I spot Flossy bouncing, dancing and leaping like a calf in the front yard. My brain was screaming at itself. I began to panic.

“Holy F*ck! How’d she get out!” (really I don’t normally swear like this.) I yelled towards Bill in the door way.

I didn’t want her to run out into the road and cause an accident. We live on a rural road but it doesn’t mean the people drive cautiously by any means. I ran back inside slammed my feet into my rubber boots. As my feet finally got an word in edgewise.

As I threw myself back out the door I looked at the gate to the paddock. It was wide open! (old picture to give you an idea) Bill and the girls were following behind me. They stood in shocked watching the 1000+lb cow prancing all over the yard.IMG-20151226-16804

“Aww…sh*t….” I had been so spaced out, that I’d forgotten to lock the gate after I finished giving her hay at 2pm! *palmface*

“Come Flossy Come! Come Flossy Come!” I sang as calmly as one can possibly sing in this situation. Well. Hell in a hand basket, she headed straight for the bloody road just a jumping and a hopping like she were a ballerina. When she hit the road she found a burst of energy and tried to leap gracefully over the snow covered ditch and into our field….

“PLOOSH!”

It didn’t work so well…Flossy left a huge cow imprint in the snow. Then struggled to climb her fat pregnant self out of the 3ft of snow in the ditch. *snort* “serves you right” I thought.

Bill went for dairy ration to try entice her back into the yard, as I called her again.

“Come Flossy come!”

She came this time. Full force running…straight at me…baby belly and teats a swinging. I swear she was going to hit the truck on the way by and straight into me. The dork, She deeked me out at the last second and went straight back through the wide open gate. There is nothing that sticks in your mind like a 1000+lb cow with horns, belly swinging one way and teats the other barreling down on you. Holy Hannah!

What a good cow! What a very good cow! Flossy was just out having a bit of fun without asking. I think she misses having the pasture to roam. She and I used to race from one end of the pasture to the other. It is the funniest sight! 🙂

Poor Bill…all he wanted to do when he woke up was to look out the window and see if the snow was falling.

“I was expecting to see the snow falling…NOT a cow wandering out in the yard. I thought at first it was a moose, but quickly realized it was Flossy.”

“Morning…” I said lowering my eyes and head.”I swear I locked the gate…” *sigh* Nope obviously not.

We stood by the fence and laughed and asked Flossy if she had fun. She kicked up her heels again and threw herself around in her paddock. She seemed to be saying”YES! I had such a blast…Why didn’t you join me?” I gave her a pet and she burped…Well, that nearly knocked me on my ass. *PHEWF* gag and barf…IMG-20151223-16755

The girls went back inside. Flossy went back to eating her hay and Bill and I followed Flossy’s hoof prints around. She went and checked out the outhouse and then under our bedroom window(other side of the house from her paddock/shelter area), through the snow buried firepit, all over the yard heading towards the neighbors to our right. That’s when Bill saw her and all the havoc began.

Never ending fun happens around here…*giggle* Well, sometimes. Mostly not as exciting as an escapee cow. Chickens escape. Roosters who need a lady to call their own fly over fences to get to them. *eyeroll* That is more annoying than funny.

I can’t promise more stories like this but knowing me and my luck there’s bound to be a few more harrowing experiences. HA HA HA HA!

Blessings ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One response to “My brain divorced my body…

  1. Ohhhh, Flossy….Lmao 😉

    Like

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