In the past 3weeks I have had enough. I have enough of fb and social media and reality in general.
I am tired of trying to be interesting and enticing. I am sick of people thinking I NEED to share only what society has been brainwashed into thinking is acceptable.
Only the positive..the good grateful side. You are screwed up if you voice your sadness or struggles. To ignore your negative …the dark sad side. That is just fooling yourself in my eyes. I am sick of hiding.
I lost my mask I wear when I deal with people just before Christmas. I will NOT be FAKE!
The next two post were from my personal FB page…
People need to stop telling me to “think positive”, “be positive” and “be greatful”. I’ll tell you why…
I do the most positive thing I can every freaking day….do you want to know what it is?
I GET OUT OF BED EVERYDAY!
I breathe out all the pain and sleepless hours from my body and take care of my family and teach my daughters and I take care of a home and animals. If that is not positve enough for you…nothing I do will ever be.
FB will never be the place that will see the positive I see and accept and acknowledge daily. Those things are too tiny to ever make sense on social media. Those things I find meaningful, beautiful and positive are only known by me. Because I could never describe them to anyone in typed font.
So excuse me when I bitch once in awhile of loneliness or frustration over an issue you don’t, nor ever will know fully.
I have had a horrible pain filled year that none of you know about….and I do the most postive thing I can…
I GET OUT OF BED EVERYDAY!
So take this as you wish. As personal as you wish. I will not burden anyone.
I hope I bring positive thoughts through my photographs, vintage attire posts, gardening and upteen stupid posts of crap no one cares about.
I am my own type of positive.
I am me.
I am not deep. Simple words work best.
I am not fake. I am me.
I am not positive.
I am not negative.
I am true to my emotions. I feel them as they are. I will not hide them or change them for anyone.
I am The way I should be.
I smile more than you’ll ever know.
In fact, I rarely cry.
I am most tired of people trying to make me change the way I feel. It is not healthy for me.
Accept me as I am….raw and real. DON’T TRY TO FIX ME!
Because I am fixing myself the best way for me. I am not hiding behind a fake positive facade just to appease societies need for the positive.
That is not my reality.
When I am sad, I will share it.
When I am happy, I will share it.
When I am open with how I am feeling, accept them exactly as I write them.
Do not make me feel I need to explain why.
Do not tell me to think positive.
Do not tell me you are just trying to help.
Just accept me….For Me!
These words are authentic. These words are from deep with in. They have spent years brewing underneath the pressures to “Just be happy.” “Think positive” “You just need to get over it and be grateful”.
I know this is supposed to be my “farm” blog…but to tell the truth, it is my life blog. This is what me and my family go through.
This is Life with me…a 41yr old woman who is just finding her voice. A woman who struggles with depression and other struggles I could never put into words.
This is a wanna be farm blog. A wanna be Herb and Animal farm. A dream that in all honesty may never become one….😔 A “Hobby” Farm…
Right now our life is flipped upside down. Bill’s new apprenticeship just started…it wasn’t supposed happen as fast as it did and we weren’t ready. We will adjust but it will take reorganizing every aspect of our lives. In a few weeks we learn if we even have a home or not, because greed lives in the hearts of some men and those actions destroy hopes and dreams of others.
I am scared. We are scared.
This is reality. This is what I want our blog to be about. The real and raw side of striving for our Off-grid Herb and Animal Farm.
I love posting the photos and sharing the good. But I want to be real with all those who follow us….
Me…just after cleaning up a blood covered baby hen.